Back In Action And Sporting One Helluva Collar

Chloe's doing great. They were able to remove the entire tumor and other than her need to chew her stitches (hence the cone), there shouldn't be any major problems. YAY. Here's a little documentation of the event (Chloe's inner dialogue included). (g)


Awww, MOM!!! Not the camera!!





*BIG SIGH* If I have to...get it over with already.





Angry teenager here. Look at those death rays.





And finally -- to prove she actually isn't always this miserable. Here's a shot taken on Sunday during the Tails n' Trails pet walk to help support the Capital Humane Society. :) This is AFTER the walk, and after she decided to hog the kiddie pool.

Eeee

I dropped Chloe off at the vet for the twin removal. What an affair! My uncle started harassing me around 8, saying if I wasn't ready to go in five minutes he was going to take her himself. Uh, YEAH... my words?? BACK OFF!

LOL -- ain't no one taking my baby to the vet without me. So, instead of my getting to take her alone, he insisted on driving and bringing Bailey with. Now, I love Bailey and all, but she's afraid of the vet and always ends up pittling on the floor. I'm sure they cringe when they see us coming. Anyway, it turned into this big ordeal that it SO did not need to be. Plus I didn't get my last cuddle moment with her. HRM.

So, now the wait begins. How do parents do this??

Can She Do It?

I think I have somewhere between 30-40K to go through on BTPM--If I'm going to make my Monday deadline of finishing these revisions. Hmm, can I do it? LOL. The great thing is that I have a completely open weekend -- no housecleaning, no poop patrol (don't ask). Heck, I don't even think there's a televised football game I'm interested in watching. And my last class on Friday is canceled, meaning I can get a jump start on everything. With one class on Monday.... I MIGHT be able to do this. (g)

Oh wait, I do have a couple of friends coming to town on Sunday for lunch and a movie. At least, that's the plan, but who knows. At any rate -- even I can't sit in front of my computer all day long. LOL. Now if I can just stave off any family obligations (i.e. last minute dinner parties), I may be able to wing my way through this mess. Well, it's not a mess, thank GOD -- otherwise there would be no chance in H@LL I'd be able to do it... So, I'm hopeful.

We'll see how it goes.. Wish me luck! If I'm dragging my butt online at all hours of the night or not posting...you'll know why. (What am I saying?? That's my usual MO the way it is.) (g)

Whoot!

I had a great night working on revisions. I got through _10K_. YAY. I'm about halfway through another chapter, too, but have to call it quits for now. Must get some rest. At any rate, I'm only a chapter and a half away from that big ole' scene I wrote not too long ago. I'll be excited to integrate it into the story -- to see how it all flows together.

I ran across the second big flashback from the original MS. Once again, I can't decide whether to keep it or not. I did cut it down by a couple of hundred words -- it's hovering right around 1K right now. Perhaps tomorrow I can come up with a way to cut the entire thing. We'll see. Right now I can't muster enough brain power to be creative about it. LOL. Oh well. I think it's necessary to the story, though perhaps not in this specific format.

Oh, and I cut that self-involved scene I posted last week. Just went snip snip and it's gone. I really liked it, but upon a second look, it really wasn't all that necessary. Blah. :) Self-editing sucks. (g)

Okay...6 more days, about 30K to go... I can do it, I can do it. Rah rah rah.

A Weekend Lost

I had SUCH high hopes for what I'd accomplish this weekend. I thought I would knock out a few chapters of BTPM, get back on track for finishing by (eek!) next Monday. Uh yeah, didn't happen.

One of my friends at school, whom I happen to sit next to in most of my classes, was extremely sick all week. And I caught it.. *CRIES* That sucks -- big time. At any rate, when Friday came around, I was so exhausted, I didn't get anything done... then Saturday I had to clean the house...and then my aunt took us out to celebrate her new raise...then we ended up watching the Nebraska women's volleyball team TROMP Texas A&M...and that was Saturday. Oh, and I worked on an MS I'm beta'ing. Then Sunday I finished that up and sent it off -- went to an animal walk that absolutely wiped me out...came home and _finished_ cleaning the house.... and crashed after dinner.

Yeah... I'd say I was slacking, but it really didn't feel that way--at all. LOL.

At any rate, I'm back in the game today -- sick or not. I'm going to get as close to a finished revision of btpm as I possibly can. I have 7 days and about heh...40K to get through. (VBG) Yeah, may not happen, but I'll do my darndest.

Oh, and I screwed around on Facebook quite a bit this weekend. Man, that place is addictive. It's fun to make connections with friends, tho -- even if I had to cut myself off from searching. (g) It was too upsetting when I thought I'd find a friend I lost contact with a few years ago and he ended up NOT being on the site. BUMMER.

Anywho, off to class soon. YAY. (no, not yay)

Getting Buried

No work on BTPM or FI since Monday. School SUCKS. On top of that, and definitely more enjoyable, I've agreed to beta-read for two forumites. Trust me, I love this, so not complaining but trying to figure a way to juggle it all. (g) I should finish up one tonight...a bit further behind schedule than planned, but what can ya do? Then the other may have to be in bits until I get that dang YA finished. LOL. I have a few beta-readers lined up for the new version...so I need to deliver now. YEEK. (g)

And if you've read it before and want to again, please let me know. I feel like I've taken such advantage of so many of you already. But if you WANT to read it. (VBG)

Tomorrow I'm walking in a petwalk for the local humane society. That'll be fun. Chloe always draws a crowd, so she'll be obnoxious and hard to live with for a few days. LOL. She practically struts after a public appearance. I can only imagine what Bailey will be like. (g) I'll have to remember to take my camera. Always a cool thing to see so many dogs in one place and for such a good cause. I've pretty much decided I need to adopt another dog when I move out. Chloe might be relieved to be away from Bailey at first, but I have a feeling she'll soon be lonely.

At any rate, I have to go earn my keep. Yup, it's cleaning day. *Donning her cap and feather duster*

A Bit of Crazy

I haven't gotten much work finished in the past couple of days. School is just wearing my butt out, and what little I have left after homework isn't getting the job done. Oh well -- there's always the weekend.

Had a bit of a scare with my puppy. She had this weird mole on her leg--never really thought much about it because she has a lot of little skin tags. Anyway, it started getting kinda puffy and red this past week -- and well, she keeps biting it, etc. She had her annual visit to the vet for her shots, and much to my surprise, he did a biopsy of the thing. That scared the crap out of me, but luckily it's just a little benign tumor. She's scheduled to have her twin removed next week. (g) That's what I'm calling it because it reminds me of this episode of the X-Files where this guy's itty bitty, Siamese twin detaches itself to go around killing people. I know, random. This is how I get when I'm stressed and tired. (g) But in all seriousness, it was very scary. She's my little sidekick, and I don't know what I'd do without her.



My Baby. (s)

OCD Episode!

You know, this has never happened to me before. I usually write a scene and I end up being pretty happy with it. Sure, I'll tweak a few things here and there, but I've never experienced this degree of OCD when it comes to my writing. I have literally spent the last couple of days going over the same chapters of BTPM -- over and over...obsessively trying to make each word perfect.

I kept telling myself to move on, but I was determined to "fix" the first 8 chapters... that it was somehow more important than geting the sequential things layed out in the rest of the book. Oh my, what crazy times. lol. The funny thing? It ALL sounds like crap to me at this point -- I have no idea if I've improved it. But tonight during my read through I discovered I need to do a find and replace for "rushed." Apparently that's my pet word of the week. (g)

At any rate, y'all were probably wondering if I'd cracked under the pressure. Well, not quite...but darn close. (g) I'm happy to say that I've moved on to chapter 9. It feels really GOOD. lol. The great news is that chapter 8 puts me CLOSE to the halfway point. I'm a few K short, but dang it...I'm getting there. I may need a vacation when I finish, but I think I can finish this sucker by the end of September--if I can just keep pushing forward.

Oh, have I mentioned I think this book is going to end up somewhere between 75-80K? Big for YA... yeek.

And don't worry about FI...I'm still plodding along on that one, too. It's just I'm a little unsure of what to do with no feedback from D.A. yet. Yup -- read that right, still no word. But I know he's super busy, and I probably fall last on his long list of things to do. No biggie. *EEEEE* LOL.

And no new words on the new YA. No time. Gah, school sucks. (g)

The Process

On the forum I belong to, we often share ideas about writing, etc. We talk about our process -- what works/doesn't work for us, etc. Anyway, in order to help out a fairly new writer, I wrote a post that gave the thought process behind my new YA -- trying to give her a brief glimpse at how I work when I begin a new book.

Anyway, being as I worked so hard on it, I figured I'd add it here. (g) Plus, it's fairly representative of how I work. All of this usually happens very quickly -- while in the process of writing, etc. But it shows how my mind starts to connect various chunks--even though I don't know the overall shape of the end story yet. Or, honestly, who the characters are. Hope you find it interesting.

So, without further ado:

The main things I try to remember:
1. Don’t stress over not knowing what happens next. Write what bubbles up and that will, in turn, reveal the next scene.
2. Don’t stress over not knowing every nuance of every character. You can’t truly know who they are until you throw them into a situation and see how they respond.
3. Have fun! Write what you love and don’t try to write like someone else. The great thing about writing is that YOUR individual voice is what will make your book special. Let it develop.

Against all better judgment and time constraints, I started a new YA paranormal this past weekend. Didn’t see it coming whatsoever. All I know is that I was watching a show about hauntings, and all of a sudden I thought it would be a great idea to write a book about ghosts. Random. Unexpected. And wholly unformed in my mind.

For whatever reason, YA felt right to me. And of course, a female MC because I’m still uncomfortable writing in a male POV. So, girl…ghost…high school… EH…nothing else. What’s the story?? *a bit of thinking*

I’m a child of horror movies. I grew up watching them LONG before I should have and spent many sleepless nights reading Stephen King novels. I like scary. So, it’ll be a scary ghost and not just a run of the mill haunting. Nothing where she has to help some poor hapless soul deal with unfinished business so it can move into the light. I want some heart-pounding, hands shaking, scary stuff.

K…girl…scary ghost…high school.

In this program I watched, they showed this girl clutching her young son to her chest as she stands completely frozen, petrified as this mist surrounds her. She’s standing in front of a mirror and can see this man in the reflection, sort of hovering around her, glaring down at her. He’s only in the reflection, but she’s terrified by the sight. It’s not just things going bump in the night, this ghost is terrorizing her.

Ohhhhh… next jump in logic--it follows her no matter how hard she tries to get away. So, she’s moving around a lot, each time hoping it’ll fail to find her… So, what does that do to her family? Gotta be stressful, right? In fact, it might actually break up a marriage if one parent is unable to cope. So, there I have it… she lives alone with her mother, who vows to stick by her daughter. However, she’s getting desperate, so much so that the daughter is worried sick and blaming herself for everything. After all, if the ghost is terrorizing HER, she’d probably think she’s done something to cause the whole thing.

So, guilty daughter, distraught mother, scary stalker ghost, many high schools – always the new girl. Always hoping ‘this time will be different.’

Scene idea bubbles up: They’ve moved again, hoping the “thing” is gone. The fear and anxiety of not knowing what will happen. And then bam…the thing reveals itself again, shattering their hope. I write it and discover that the ghost doesn’t reveal itself in front of the mother. Does she ever see things happen?? Hmmm, not sure on that one yet so I tuck it away to mull over. But in THIS scene, the mother doesn’t know it’s come back. The daughter is going to try and hide it – to alleviate the stress from her mother. But how much can one person bear alone?

I need another character to help her through this. If this has been going on a while, she’s probably confided in others before. So, what happened? Most likely they didn’t believe her… or if they did, were scared off. She’s become very independent and alone during this time, afraid to trust people. What’s the point, right? If she tells them, they’ll think she’s a freak. She’s not going to just blurt it out. This person will have to see something happen and seek HER out.

So who?? Being a romantic, I always have a love interest of some sort. So, a guy….

Scene idea: He confronts her and wants her to confide in him. She’s scared to. In fact, the presence “warns” her not to speak. The guy plays the hero and gets her to confess. But wait, the big strong guy rushing in to save the day is SOO boring. Maybe he’s scared sh*tless, but manages to reign in his fear long enough to stick by her… Oh, I like that. I write the scene. He confronts the ghost and gets it to leave her alone long enough to tell her story so they can “understand” it. The entire time, his hands are shaking, voice trembling, sweating profusely. It’s endearing. (g)

But wait…they haven’t even met yet! LOL. What in the world would that be like? Who is this guy anyway? Being as she’s the epitome of a fractured soul, he should be the antithesis of her. Normal life, good family, lots of friends, outgoing, etc. Not quite the man on campus, but definitely well-liked. What would he think of her? Who is she anyway?

We know she’s hiding this big secret. That’s got to be killer on your nerves…hard to eat or sleep…always on edge. She’s thin, she’s slightly pale…she doesn’t interact with the other students at the school. So why would he like her?? Don’t know yet – tuck that away to think about. But right now, they’ve got to meet.

Right about this time, I’m thinking pure 1st person POV isn’t going to work. For one thing, if I’m going to have anything truly terrifying happen to her, wouldn’t it be better to get the perspective of someone on the outside looking in? Oh yeek, that means I’ll have to jump into his head. Okay, I can do that, but it also means I have to write in third.

Scene idea: He sees her at school and is drawn to her, though he can’t figure out why. There’s something different about her, though, and he wants to meet her. I write part of this scene…not the actual meeting, but just him seeing her across the school quad and taking an interest.

Okay, so that’s as far as I’ve gotten. I have no idea WHO the ghost is. I have no idea how this story will resolve… but as I go forward, one little thing will trigger another idea and everything will begin to come into focus. Not going to stress out about anything at this point. I’ll learn more about the characters as I go… and they’ll tell me the story.

Right now, I have several “kernels” coming to a slow boil. I see a scene where he follows her home. What would her house be like? The activity can be quite destructive, and they’ve been going through this for a long time. You’d think their furniture would be pretty jacked up by now – and instead of replacing items just to have them broken again, they would get to the point where they’re buying second hand. So, rag tag furniture… lots of lights because she’s afraid to be in the dark… no artwork on the walls, no knick knacks. Spartan. Nothing to provide this thing ammunition.

And I need to have him witness something. What? No clue. It will bubble up eventually.

And onward I go…

I Can See Clearly Now...

Man, I was _exhausted_ last night. I'm talking, standing on my feet and falling asleep exhausted. I said to heck with all goals, determined to get to bed early. I didn't care if I had a crapload of homework to do...didn't care about working on any of my books. This girl needed sleep.

So, I get home around 7 and head toward bed. LOL. Oh contraire, mon frere -- my aunt and uncle just had this mega TV/stereo system installed. HUGE flat screen TV, glass shattering speakers...a remote that can make the world stop revolving. Yeah. Therefore, first order of business was to get a lesson on how to work the dang thing--while the technician who's been blasting away at our living room for the past three days was still there. You'd think this would be fairly simple. 45 minutes later, I'm yawning, dying...wishing I could go to bed. Then my aunt and uncle had to hear a movie played through the system... off I go to pluck one from my collection. Much 'ooohhhing" and "aaaaahhhhing" as we listen to about 30 minutes of the movie. Not to mention yawning.

So, then I go to bed around 9, but feel guilty. So I do some homework and fall alsleep around 11 or so. You'd think my body would be grateful. Uh, NO. About 115 or so, I wake up -- WIDE awake. Well, hell. Homework! Homework is the answer! Nothing puts me to sleep faster. Except last night. LOL. 3am and I'm still going strong, but I'm bored to no end. Okay, time to work on BTPM.

So, I went through 2 chapters last night. I haven't finished with the chapters, but let me tell you why. LOL. I'm going through and I'm thinking...man, this is good stuff. NO big problems here. Uh, but crap...wait... Wouldn't Mac mention THIS from the changes I made...wouldn't Ty be concerned about THIS from earlier in the book (more changes I made). So, basically I read through and noted the things they haven't mentioned...and tonight I will tackle these changes. Hopefully, it won't be too much.

As per the title of this post, something became abundantly clear. Dude, I have these two flirting with each other nonstop -- making light of some very serious situations. It just _does not_ work. So, I've been deleting like a little mad woman -- just trying to curb some of the humor and give things a little more impact. (Thanks, Rhonddalyn!) It's reading much better once I take out Mac's constant internals. Must remember she's not Madison. LOL. And I must remember that she's scared to death at this point--for Ty and for herself. It's basically the same structure, but by taking out a wry thought here and there, it's SO much better. So...good, good. All good.

Until I collapse today from getting 3 hours of sleep. (g)

Onward

Well, I went back through the chapter from last night. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought -- just a few tweaks and it's looking pretty good. YAY. :)

I took a few minutes to read through the chapters up to that point, just to make sure the tone was even and everything was falling together properly. There didn't seem to be any major continuity issues, which I'm very thankful for since this section underwent a serious slice/dice and rearrangement.

Now I'm on to a couple of chapters that should stay relatively the same. I made it through one, and will tackle the next tomorrow.

Under the suggestion of Rhonddalyn, I'm trying to tone down some of the relationship bits. With the overall tone of the chapters being much darker after the changes I've been making, they're sticking out like sore thumbs. LOL. Hopefully, the progression will feel more gradual now and Mac won't seem so nearly self-absorbed. *wink to Rhonddalyn* (g)

Anywho -- I'm pretty happy with my progress so far.

Title Change

Last night I decided to call the new YA "The Haunting" just to be able to call it _something_. Today a new one bubbled up, and I really like it. That is, unless something better bubbles up. So...

*drum roll*

The new title is: The Presence

Kinda creepy?

Headway, At Last

Taking my cue from Susan, I decided I NEEDED to get on with revisions of BTPM. I've been stuck in the same place for a while now -- unable to connect all the sequential type things, and having a VERY hard time coming up with the proper words to get it just right. So, I gave up on making it perfect and told myself to try to lay out the bare bones--that I could come back and floof it up later. And I made it through. YEEHAW. (Thanks, Suze ;)) Always good to hear what other people do, just in case it might get you out of a pinch.

It's far from perfect, of course...but it all flows together, which is the important thing. On to the next chapter, which should be pretty close to perfect. LOL. (Let's hope!)

I've laid out a schedule of sorts, which if I stay on track, will see this MS completely revised by the 30th. Heavens, I hope so. (g) I'm determined to get at least one book off my plate for a while. Juggling everything is driving me blotto. In addition, I'll be working on FI and possibly an occasional scene from the new YA. Still no name, drabnabbit. Okay, executive decision. For now, I will call it THE HAUNTING. Soooo unoriginal and FAR from feeling right, but it's something for now. TH, it is. (g)

Oh My!

I wrote my first "official" scene from a male POV tonight -- AND, it's in third person, which is another first for me. Boy was it weird. (g) But I decided that this new YA really needs to step out of my MC's head to be told properly. There are just too many things that will be better from an outside perspective.

Of course, I'm not sure how people decide which POV to use for a particular scene. The idea of writing it in both and then deciding which is better seems like such a waste of time. But I have a feeling I'll make a few bad calls along the way. Oh well, another experience to gain new techniques.

Another thing I'm struggling with is the decision of how to get my Mc's history into the wip. Her past experiences are very relevant to the story -- and while I think some of it can be implied, there has to be a certain amount shown so people will _truly_ grasp what she's been through. So, I must decide whether to do it through dialogue or a series of mini-flashbacks. I personally like showing more than telling....so we'll see. I need to think on it for a while. Flashbacks are a pain. (g)

This is really odd, but MAN am I writing slow these days. I barely managed 500 words tonight when I used to knock out 2-4K a day. I don't know what it means. (g) Deep down I'm hoping it means that I'm being more thoughtful in what I write. Secretly I'm worried I'm losing steam. I do feel like I could sleep for a month. :) At any rate, I've laid out a schedule for keeping my goals for the month. Hopefully I'll stick to it and get BTPM off my plate. That would be such a relief! I need to haul ass, though... seriously. I've been a loaf so far this month.

Oh, and I _really_ need to come up with a working title for the new YA. I hate calling it untitled ya. (g) Hmmm, nothing's coming to mind. LOL.

Eeeee, Late Night!

I spent a good portion of my time tonight scouring the web for information about ghosts/poltergeists, etc. It's very interesting research, but I don't recommend doing it late at night. (g) I think I've permanently scarred Jenna by making her watch this home video of different activity caught on film. Okay, kidding -- she's fine...but I'm not. LOL.

Anyway, I started another scene in the YA, and managed to get a few hundred words of FI. LONG night, but at least it was somewhat productive.

Happy Birthday, Faking It! (aka NARC)

It just hit me. One year ago, today, I finished the first draft of Faking It!

To be honest, I didn't remember the date. I'm as bad as any husband on that matter. But it occurred to me that it was around this time last year that I was wailing like Joan Wilder -- excited, scared, and completely dumbstruck by the idea of taking The. Next. Step.

I didn't have a blog or livejournal back then...but thank God I was very faithful to my writing journal. At least about the big things. I dug it out and YUP -- Sept. 7, 2006, this is what I wrote:

I've done it! I've finished my very first book.

I'm overwhelmed, teary-eyed and excited! And scared!

The thought of finishing without succeeding in publication has been in my thoughts a lot lately. But deep down I believe this book is good and will be on the shelves someday...

On to Phase 2 -- The Query. Oh, and let's not forget edits! (g)

Heh, lil' blast from the past there.

I'm almost speechless by the fact I sent my first query out barely a month later. My hutzpah surprises even me. (VBG)

Wow, what a year!

Alive and Well

Sorry for my mini-meltdown yesterday. With all of the computer issues heaped on everything else, I was a complete grump. Today has been ROUGH, but I'm alive and headed to bed early.

My computer is doing okay, now. (I knew you'd ask. (g)) Everything seems to be working fine and apparently it's suffering no ill effects from the trials I put it through. Thank God. My DVD burner wasn't working earlier, but is now for no apparent reason... *shakes her head* Computers! Glad I got it cleared up, tho -- since it's what caused this whole fiasco to begin with.

Crazy, but I'm hoping to start writing in a few hours. I just need a bit of a catnap to get me through tomorrow. Okay, maybe that's a little longer, but whatever. (g) I really want to participate in the marathon, tho... and right now I have zip.

Oh, and I need to send a BIG OLE' shoutout to my girl, Jenna! Way to write!! (g) I couldn't be happier. :)

I'm out.

BLAST IT!!!

I finally got to the point where I'm trying to activate Windows -- you know, fun fun. So, guess what? Somehow we've deleted whatever drivers I need to make my internet work (yup, need that to activate)... and my mouse and keyboard (YUP -- could've used them to activate the dang thing by getting a code over the phone--which I did--but I can't type it in!!!) *SHOOT ME NOW*

So, I can plug in my uncle's mouse and click things... but I still can't type in the friggin' numbers that will bring me into windows so I can install the drivers I need. Okay, okay... I'm HOPING that I can take this to school tomorrow and they'll have a keyboard I can plug into my computer so I can type at least. But seriously, can you believe this??? Don't see much marathoning in my future tomorrow--unless I get a miracle fix early tomorrow. I'm about to bite the bullet and take it to a private computer fix-it store. BB is out -- hell, they'll take four weeks to return it and probably tell me nothing was wrong with it, at that.

So, if anyone knows anything about this...please share. LOL. I kinda hoped I could pop my disk back in and it would automatically come up. NOPE. And I have no idea if there's some secret way of getting in -- you know, holding down the shift, caps lock, ctrl, and alt button while playing chopsticks on the number keys... But what's the point -- the keyboard won't work!!!! Aaargh. Hell, I'm of half-mind to run out to Wal-Mart and buy a keyboard. LOL. And no, my uncle's won't work -- wrong prongy thingy.

Okay -- I'm out to beat my head on the wall.

When It Rains, Must it Pour?

So, I've spent the last eh...7 hours working on restoring my laptop. It has not been fun and I have this horrible feeling that when all is said and done, it still won't work properly. lol. My uncle said he could do it, but when it came time, he seemed a little unsure of the process. Okaaaaay. So, here's hoping it works. Otherwise, I've seriously wasted a lot of time I'll never get back.

Other than that -- getting very, how shall I say this? EHhhhhh reviews on my sex scene. It's been a bit discouraging, to be honest. I'm at the point where I'm thinking maybe full blown (no pun) sex scenes aren't my thing. You know, I really don't mind when people point out issues with my writing -- but it's the characters I'm protective of. Plus, they're my first, my most special -- so, hearing one was a prop or that one was selfish, blah blah blah, is a little rough. Plus people are taking a long time to think over their comments first. Jen's translation: They really didn't like it, and they're trying to come up with a nice way to say it. (My translation -- so no offense to anyone. (g))


Y'all know me... JUST SAY IT. If it bothers me, I'll deal with it somehow. Granted, I may cry. (g)

A writing marathon is starting on the forum tomorrow. I really hope it's enough to give me a solid kick in the arse. I need it. Right now I'm back in self-doubt mode, so maybe I'll bypass posting snips. Yeah, I know -- suck it up. But I'm a writer, people. Of course I'm neurotic.

Oh...can I just say that B&N is evil?? I've spent about a hundred dollars on books in the past couple of weeks. All so I could use the lovely coupons I receive for being a "cardmember" with them. Save $10 when you spend $40 -- IF you use PayPal. "Well, I've got a PayPal account...hoydeedoydeedoy!" BAM...40 dollars spent. LOL. EVIL! But I've bought some pretty cool books -- the Blue is for Nightmares series (4 YA books!) -- gah, can't recall the author. And The Haunting of Hill House! by Shirley Jackson. That movie has always freaked me out...so I thought the book might be fun.

I'm not sure why I continue to buy books...I SO do not have time to read. I still haven't finished Brotherhood or Rebel Angels. Or about 10 other books sitting by my bed right now -- that's not even taking into account the two crates of books stuffed under my bed... etc etc. Oh well -- I lurve books. :) Gotta say, the YA's are winning the reading wars with this girl lately. (g)

Anywho -- hopefully I'll have something more positive to say tomorrow. Like words written, for example. (g)

I Miss My Sexy Beast!

Over at the writer's forum, my friend Claire is running a "sex scene" exercise for the month of September. Being as I'm not exactly proficient when it comes to such intimate scenes (truth is, they're embarrassing as all get out! Imagine your mother reading your scene! No matter what you say, she's always going to think YOU have partaken in every act you describe. LOL. Whether or not that's true, I don't want MY mother reading that stuff!), I decided to participate.

Anyway, FI was out, and BTPM was a no-go because the characters involved have to be of consenting age. *sigh* So, I gave in and pulled out COTM. The dust was inch thick, I tell ya. The scene I chose?? YOWSA. Talk about bad. LOL. And I remember thinking how well-written it was at the time. Good grief--thank God I've come a long way--I hope.

The problem is, the short time I spent fussing with this scene has made me miss Aidan (aka sexy beast) and Morgan a great deal. *sigh* This was my first attempt at a novel, and of course it's always going to have a special place in my heart. That said... would it be wise to finish it when it will forever be seen as an attempt to mimic Gabaldon? I just don't know. Deep down I believe it has something different to offer, lots of original conflict and obstacles to a HEA, IF they ever reach that point.

Gah. I just don't know. Plus, it will take a lot of research before I can continue. Who has time for that? LOL. Certainly not me at this point -- and certainly not with two other books that are in mid-revision. Blah. Too many books in this head!

The Wolf Man Saves The Day!

I've been pretty quiet the past couple of days...if you hadn't noticed. The reason for this has been a continued "down in the dumps" mentality when it comes to my writing. I wouldn't normally talk about this on a public blog, but I figure I'm not the only one who goes through it. Maybe it will help someone else. You never know.

As my friends can attest to, I tend to run in cycles. I can go on for some time, quite happily in fact, just doing my thing... writing writing writing... loving what I'm producing, enjoying the process, thinking life couldn't get any better. Then something happens and I CRASH... It could be a negative response to a snip, it could be a lack of response to a snip, which makes me think people hate my stuff -- it can sometimes even be a postitive crit that brings it on. I have no clue why it happens, but I start thinking my writing is complete crap and that there's no way in the world I'll ever be published.

It's very debilitating, and puts the brakes on whatever creative flow I had going at the time. Sometimes it lasts for a few hours....sometimes a couple of days... Gah, it sucks.

I've mostly learned how to cope when it happens. My friends will kindly tell me to stop whining and get back to work.... or as one friend said last night, "You don't have time for this!! Stay positive, damn you!!" LOL. Truer words were never spoken. I DON'T have time for these bouts of self-doubt...but alas, they happen despite whatever efforts I make to shake them off.

So, what have I been up to? I've been trying to make myself write, and failing miserably. I think part of it has to do with that big snafu in FI--which I still haven't found a satisfactory solution for.... and well, I just haven't had any motivation to put my butt in the chair. I've been watching a lot of movies... lol. I've also been reading Gabaldon's LORD JOHN & THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE BLADE... (Notice I haven't mentioned homework. (g))

Tonight, I decided to snoop through the 'watch now' choices on Netflix. I came across The Wolf Man with Lou Chaney. It's on my at home queue, but I thought I might take a quick peek. Great movie, btw. And SHORT... 69 minutes, which is just weird. (g) Anyway, I've always been a big fan of the old creature features, but I'm not sure I've ever seen this particular one. I've seen all the cross-monster ones -- Wolfman meets Frankenstein, etc... LOVE em.

Anywho--I'm watching the movie and all of a sudden a scene starts to develop in my head -- for BTPM. Nothing really based off the movie, but one in which the movie plays a part. I think it has a lot of potential, and I'm super excited to get started on it. I also figured out what to do with this one chapter opening that's been giving me a lot of trouble. Basically what I had wasn't really necessary anymore (after all the changes I made to the front end), but I couldn't figure out anything to put there. Now I have at least an idea -- just have to flesh it out a bit.

So, YAY... I'm finally breaking through this horrible funk. A shame because it wasted a perfectly good weekend... but what can you do? At least I have one day left.

Aaargh.

Outlines suck! (g)

So, I have these two scenes I absolutely love... I've been so stoked all week, thinking how great they are and how they'll add a lot to the book.

But wait a minute.... Aww crap! They're not going to line up in the timeline I've got in the outline. In fact, they don't work together _at all_. This part has to happen before that happens, and crap, it's all backwards.

$%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$%^&*&%&$&*(&%!!!!!!!

The last thing I want to do is lose either of them. That would suck big time. So, first on the agenda tomorrow is to figure out a way to reconcile them. *sigh* I'd try now, but I'm barely able to write in a straight line. It might be better to chuck it all for the night and go to bed.

Blurgh.