Please Don't Ask

So, I know in the past I've always done a wrap-up post for the year -- talking about what books I've read/loved... what I accomplished/didn't accomplish with my own writing..., possibly followed by a post talking about what I hope to accomplish during the new year.

Well, I'm not doing that this year.

I'm just not.

There are a few more things I won't be talking about, and I hope you'll indulge me in this request.

I started working earnestly on FI again yesterday. (Okay, so I'm sort of a sucker for the romantic idea of starting afresh with the new year. I also have two full days to do whatever I want, which is rare... and they just so happen to fall on New Year's. Interpret this however you like. (g))

It was weird... working on this book again. But at the same time, it felt like home. I know these characters, I know this story and where I want to take it. It really just boils down to sitting my butt down in a damn chair and doing the work necessary to get it there. Only thing is, I've been in this very same spot for a veeeeeeery long time now. So what's different now?

You could say I have the eye of the tiger this go 'round, but no, I don't think that's it.

You could say I'm giving myself a big ole' kick in the ass to finish -- for whatever reason you could possibly imagine. Hopes of publication, need of moolah that comes with said publication, dreams of moving on to the next story...blah blah blah yada yada yada.

I'll tell you what. I don't think it's any of those things.

It's just time. Time to finish this story. If for nothing else, but for ME to be able to read it from start to finish...to know how the hell it ends. It deserves that opportunity. And I deserve to know that I can get it onto the page in the best way I know how.

The past couple of years, I haven't allowed myself to do that. I've hit roadblock after roadblock that I've allowed--yes allowed--to stop me. And I've figured out why that is..

A very well meaning friend and I were chatting on IM last night. I was talking about FI, how it felt so good to get back on the horse...how I really hoped to just put my head down and finish this time. We chit chatted about this and that and then whammo, she hit me with a question I wasn't prepared to answer:

What do you plan to do with it once you finish?

I'll tell you what, folks. Two days ago this question wouldn't have given me the slightest pause. I would've rattled off the same ole' spiel I've been telling people forever. i.e. Well, of course I have to send it to DA... maybe that other agent who showed interest... but yeah, I'll have to give DA first crack... blah blah blah yada yada yada.

And I sort of did just that. The only thing is that as I was typing my response, I could literally--and I do mean literally--feel panic start to set in. I physically started tensing up, and the joy of having written over 2500 words that day slowly started seeping out of me as I contemplated the answer.

Hello, epiphany!

What I realized is that my answer should've been a very polite, "I'm not going to talk about that."

And I won't from here on out. Not to anyone--not to myself.

So, new ground rules:

1. I will not be talking about what I plan to do with this book when it's finished. Period.

2. I will not be talking about when I think it will be finished.

3. And finally, I will not be talking about when I think I'll have it ready for betas or what project I plan to work on next...

Please. Don't. Ask.

I promise that this is nothing personal against you. This time it's ALL about me and what I need at this particular point in time. And that's a stress-free writing experience during which I'm NOT thinking about the end game. All I want to think about is this story -- how to make it the best story that I possibly can -- without all of that other baggage attached at the end, weighing me down into immobility. I've done that for far too long. And last night's experience is the perfect testimony to it.

And really...if you boil it down, I don't NEED to think about any of that stuff now because none of it matters until I have a completed manuscript in hand. So why do it?? Yes, easier said than done, but this time... I'm making every effort.

Please indulge me in this request. Thank you. :)

Direction

Well, I will give my friend, Jenna, a lot of credit for calling this one. I was sharing with her the fact that I had NO idea...absolutely NO idea what this book was going to be about. I mean, I knew general/big picture stuff...but had no clue what kind of story arc would take place to get the job done.

She told me -- as did others -- JUST WRITE. It will come to you eventually.

I think it's a truth universal that every panster freaks out a bit when beginning a new book. I've completed two novels, parts of several others, and each and every time I begin, I feel like there's NO WAY in hell I'm going to be able to do it again. It probably seems pretty crazy to outliners/planners when they hear about someone like me who says... eh, I think I'll write a book. (What's it about?) Oh..no clue. I know there are werewolves... and well, yeah.. that's about it. (What happens?) Eh.. I think there will be a scene where this happens... but I'm not really sure what leads into it... or what will happen after it. No clue if it's in the middle, beginning, or end... Yeah, but I THINK it's going to play a part.

Yeah, people don't usually understand that way of thinking.

At any rate, I dug in last night with the one scene I KNEW for sure I wanted in the book. It really has no major impact on the plot -- just a cool scene idea I've had knocking around in my brain for a long time. Of course it plays into the book...but I'm not sure when it will take place, how it will impact the story as a whole... yeah, I just wrote it.

It's definitely not great... I'm sure it will change drastically at the "meld" point. (When I take all of my random scenes and try to figure out how they go together to form a story). But it was a start and it led to a couple of little brain firings. All in all, I got 1702 words... not a stellar night, certainly not on par with the ladies over at ATWOP, but a nice start.

NO CLUE what I would write next, and I finished slightly freaked out about the thought of having to produce another 1700 words today.

Well, the good news is that Jenna was right. By golly, as I was walking into work today, I had a mini-epiphany. Nothing major, mind...but definitely a beginning to a story arc... a reason for my MC to move forward in search of the answer to a particular question. It gives her purpose... and well, something for me to write! LOL. PHEW. I'm off to do that now... wish me luck.

Wouldn't You Know It...

As soon as I decide to take a week off to do some reading, lightning strikes. That's right.

On my way to work...DING DING DING DING.

It hit me. THE idea for a screenplay. The one I've been waiting for. The one that I THINK will work. And man, it's barking...in a MAJOR way. I've already got ideas about the big bad black moment...the stakes...the characters.. even the witty sidekicks. (It's a romantic comedy.)

I've been wanting to try this...now it looks like maybe I'll get the chance.

So, add this to the list for the week -- plotting out the major moments/plot points for this sucker. Yes, I'm pre-planning...sorta. That said, I'm excited to to get started! One good thing? A screenplay is about 90 pages...MAX. And most of that is dialogue. Whoot whoot.

Okay...simmering, simmering.

Rough Waters

Okay, after regrouping to work on FI again, I had to face the fact that I had one very serious plot point that was throwing the whole works topsy-turvy. One little piece that could sent my sad little house of cards a tumblin' down. I had to fix it. I had to brainstorm. I had to come up with SOMETHING to explain why certain events go down the way they do. Cuz, frankly, if I couldn't, I wasn't sure I could make the book believable in the end. And let's face it, I've had a hard time doing that to begin with! LOL.

I digress.

Anyway, I've known about this particular issue for a LOOOOOOONG time. And I've switched this or that...tried to look at things from different character POV's...squinted really hard at the screen and jumped up and down like a kangaroo on crack.. I've done it all to try and figure some way around this roadblock. And I've continuously hit the same brick wall. Over and over and over and over again.

Eventually I just kinda said to heck with it. It will work itself out eventually. HA. It never did. :)

But....EUREKA!! I've had a breakthrough. And I owe it all to Tricia and her inquisitive nature. :) Seriously, all it took was for her to ask just the right question at the right time and my little synapses were firing like mad. She seriously solved a problem that has plagued me for months on end! How awesome is that?

Now, I'm not guaranteeing it will be smooth sailing from here on out, but things are definitely going in the right direction.

So, thank you, Tricia! You rock! (And you have MORE than redeemed yourself!) Thanks.

Whoot Whoo!

Just wanted to pop in to share my excitement.

As I've mentioned earlier, I'm rewriting the beginning of FI. It's a decision that was hard to come to -- as I love my beginning. But inevitably, I had to face the fact that it just wasn't working as is. The writing isn't at the level the later stuff is, and it just didn't match the rest of the book quite the way I wanted it to.

So, begrudingly, I began a rewrite. I still wasn't 100% convinced I could let go of some of the original scenes. Some of them I LOVE...some of them are, let's face it...my darlings. And I didn't want to kill them.

When I was on my morning walk, that all changed. I started flipping through the possibilities and eventually I started seeing how the current scene I'm working on could play out...how it would affect this and this scene and make THIS scene fit better... How I could plant the seeds for some later stuff and, in the end, everything would tie together SO much better.

Why didn't I think of all this before??

Simple. My brain was. I just wasn't listening. :)

So yay. Here's to taking the leap even when you don't want to.

Kill your darlings. Kill 'em.

Hallelujah!

I've had a break-through with a part of FI that has given me mucho trouble. In the very worst kind of way. I knew _something_ had to go there, but I couldn't figure out what. And seriously, I've been brainstorming for weeks, months maybe. I worried it might be the sticking point that would make this book fail. After all, if I couldn't get past this bump -- about 1/3rd of the way through the book -- what the heck would I do?? (Hilarious (in a sick way) when you consider that most of the book is already written. Ah, chunkwriting. How I do love/hate you sometimes.)

But alas, during those morning moments when I was awake, but not _really_ awake, I made myself concentrate on the scene and then PING! It hit me. Whether or not it works in the end, at least _something_ will be there. It's done wonders for my confidence already.

So yeah, I don't know why but early mornings/late nights are my ephiphany hours. Perhaps it's because Mr. Sandman has been busy whispering ideas in my ear. Perhaps my subconcious is just closer to the surface and sub-Jen has it all figured out for me.

Whatever. I'll take it. (g) Off to write. YAY.

Oh Happy Days

Well, I wrote out a very long post earlier today and promptly lost it when some blogger snafu ganked it. GRRR. I can't remember what I was talking about at the time, but I'm sure it was of the utmost importance. (g) Oh wait, now I remember!

Well, the original title was "Emerging from the Abyss" -- which pretty much describes my slow descent into the world of Bloodties and subsequently, my clawing my way back out of it. LOL. I was in a "horror" kind of mood on Sunday. I decided to pull the first Tanya Huff Blood Book off my shelf -- it's about a female investigator who joins up with a vampire to investigate a bunch of paranormal cases. I've gotten a ways in -- it's not the most well-written book in the world, but it's entertaining. I basically have to keep from grinding my teeth every time she headhops.... but I'm managing. I figure if I can get past my past tense snobbery, I can manage one book written in such ad hoc fashion.

Then I remembered it was a TV series! Hmmm, wonder if I can find them on the net somewhere... After many failed attempts, my friend discovers all the eps are available on the station's website. Hello. We should've looked there first... anyway, if you're interested, it aired on lifetime -- so go to their website, and you can find the entire first season.

Anywho, thus began my marathon of Bloodties eps. There are only 12, thank God...so I didn't lose all sense of reality -- no matter how close I came. (g) LOL.

The end result? I got nada accomplished on my books. *sigh* Oh well, with this extra week, I gained a little wiggle room to take a break. I was averaging a bedtime hovering right around 6 every night, and I was seriously hurting. Not that it's really getting any better -- I just spent my time watching the show. LOL.

But the important thing -- it's over! I've finished them all and it's time to get back to work.

My aunt and uncle returned from CO today -- with the pups. I was super excited to see them -- even more so because they practically mauled me in their happiness to see ME. Hey, I worried -- three weeks is a long separation. LOL. I had some back up bones handy JUST in case the outside was more interesting to them... I ended up giving them anyway -- when they wouldn't leave me alone. (g)

Other news... Oh! When I was vacuuming tonight, I had an epiphany about FI. I have one plot point that's never made me very happy -- then I remembered the old conflict maker again (a la Donald Maass): What one thing can't your character survive without? Take it away... or something to that effect. Then it occurred to me that this certain plot point could be fixed by taking a certain something away from my character... it also allows me to utilize a periphery character who is seen only once in this book, and then disappears (he returns in book 2, so I left him...). But NOW I can use him, and oh man, he's a goodie and will drive Madison NUTS. NOT in a good way. PLUS, it strengthens another bit of the story... PLUS, it takes care of some of the concerns DA had about my outline... oh man, I'm stoked about this change. (g) And thankfully, it's an easy one to make because the front end of the book won't be affected in the slightest. So -- YAY!! I love it when a plan comes together. Okay, so I didn't plan it, but even so. (g)

I'll be honest -- this is the first time in a while I've been _really_ excited to work on FI. Revisions are so tedious and honestly, not all that enjoyable for me. Granted, once I start writing the new stuff, I'm sure I'll like them a lot more. New words _always_ get me excited. (g) So, I'm thinking I begin work on it again tomorrow... I made a goal of completing another hundred pages by the end of the month. HEH. We'll see. Of course, that means another shift away from BTPM. *cries* DO NOT get yourself in this situation, people. LOL. But yanno, I wouldn't trade it for the world -- the only thing better would be working on their sequels at the same time. (g)

Out For The Day

It's nothing major. I'm going to a movie in Omaha with a couple of friends -- Becoming Jane. Much to our horror, it isn't playing in Lincoln, so we've decided to make a mini-daytrip of the event. The movie, the Cheesecake Factory, maybe some shopping if I can talk them into it. We'll see. (g)

Anyway -- I've sort of given myself the weekend off -- being as it's my last official weekend without any homework. School starts a week from Monday and well, I just needed some down time. I spent a good portion of yesterday waiting for _something_ to hit me regarding either FI or BTPM, and there was just nothing. By mid-afternoon, I gave up and said to heck with it. Read a book, Jen. So that's exactly what I did.

I finished ECLIPSE by Stephenie Meyer. Oh boy do I have a review coming for you! (g) I couldn't sleep last night as I descended into mini-meltdown, self-doubt mode. How are you EVER going to compete with THAT?? I only allowed myself to stay under for about 10-15 minutes and then I pulled myself up by the boot straps. (g) Then I sat there (er, lay there as it was about 3am at this point) telling myself that MY book had a lot to offer that hers didn't... that I had a good story to tell, too. That our styles are different...that there is enough room for both of us -- and that I may even fill some gaps between her and other authors. Yeah, okay, I was stretching, but I really needed to pull myself up.

Then an amazing thing happened. Ideas for revisions started springing up. Nothing too major -- minor tweaks that were actually suggested to me by a critter, but weren't really hitting home with me for some reason. Then it all started to fall into place -- random bits in different scenes, things that will amp up the tension. Then I started seeing bits and pieces of this scene I've been wanting to write, but wasn't sure how to tackle yet. I kinda put it off, thinking I'd deal with it once I got there. Now it's slowly developing.

Let me tell you -- I was scribbling away in the dark (well the tv was on, but I didn't wear my glasses) -- got about 5 pages of free hand notes... not bad, folks. :) Some bits are more concrete than others -- I've got some bits of dialogue--some just random ideas for possible changes. But that scene -- too cool -- I have a lot of bits over the course of it -- now it's just time to walk through it and fill in the blanks. Hopefully I can do that tonight and won't be dead from zero sleep. Yeah, the last time I looked at the clock last night/morning, it was at least 530 and I just rolled out of bed at 830. ACK!

Oh well -- Jane is waiting... Have I mentioned I'm a super-fan of Austen's? Yeah, were she alive I'd probably campout on the poor dear's doorstep. (g) Okay, maybe not -- but I'd definitely be stalking from afar. (g)

Acute Sequelitis

Nathan Bransford had a very interesting post today -- here. It started out as a post on self-publishing and turned into a very interesting commentary about sequels. Granted, he was talking about them in the context of self-publishing the first and HOPING a major publishing house will pick up the second, and reprint the first..blah blah blah. He noted the one case of this that _I'm_ aware of.. ERAGON by Christopher Paolini, which -- let's face it -- was a huge exception to the general rule. Lucky duck! :) Maybe there are more, but that taps out my knowledge on the subject.

Anyway, this post got me to thinking about all of us aspiring writers who hope to have series someday. And, really, who can blame us? A series means that we can remain with our characters in the world we've created -- it means people are reading and enjoying the stories we're weaving -- it means (let's hope) a steady writing gig and income. Nothing wrong with that.

I think his advice applies to people going the traditional route as well as those who self-publish. In fact, I found myself in this situation last year. I finished FAKING IT and _immediately_ began book 2. Then, when those pesky rejections started pouring in, I suffered a HUGE jolt to my self-confidence. What was I doing writing book 2, if I couldn't get book 1 picked up? On top of that, what was I doing thinking about books 3...and 4...and 5...etc?

At that point, I said... okay, I need to work on _something_ else. That brought about BY THE PALE MOONLIGHT, which is guess what? TADA -- another series. Not in a, book 1 stands on its own and answers every question kind of way, but in a...there NEEDS to be a second book to finish this story...maybe even a third.

(Sidenote: Boy am I glad to see this is actually done in today's market! In fact, A GREAT AND TERRIBLE BEAUTY by Libba Bray employed a similar concept -- rock on. (g))

Am I crazy?? Wait! Don't answer that! lol.

I don't know if there's a question that needs to be answered here -- I'm mostly just thinking aloud. (g) It's just that I've seen a lot of people (myself included) who have such BIG dreams when it comes to series -- we've worked out individual plots for each book -- we've weaved a plot arc that spans over the books, tying them all together, making the series contingent upon such and such in book 2... or this character needs to be introduced in book 1 because they'll be back in book 4... so on and so forth. LOL.

Are we setting ourselves up for a huge letdown? I mean, how many series really get picked up? What are the odds?

This topic really sprang to mind tonight because I had a little epiphany about a pivotal scene in _book 4_ of the Narc series. I've got it all planned out, folks. (g) I think if I wrote down all the possible ideas I have, I would have enough for at least 8 books AND a prequel. That's a whole lotta ideas hinging on my selling book 1.

One thing I refuse to do, though... While I have a lot of ideas and can probably even describe the antags in each book -- I'm NOT going there yet. I won't be plotting out the stories in full and I won't be giving them titles. If I'm graced with the opportunity to write a series, there will be plenty of time to think about those books. For now, I'm gonna write whatever strikes me -- because (hopefully) one of them will pan out.

Progress At Last

I've been hard at work on Faking It. The first 25 pages went very quickly as they essentialy stayed the same with only minor tweaks. Right now, I'm working on a new chapter -- or rather a moved scene that needs some major changes. It's practically new. LOL. By time I finish this, I should be 35-40 pages into the first 100. Not bad, for one weekend. We'll see how far I get tonight. Ideally, I would like to have this ready in a week or so. (HEH) It's a goal, anyway.

As I suspected, it took me a while to get back into Maddy's head. Carol reassured me that the new stuff sounded like the old, so hey... can't ask for more than that. (g) I'm sure it will be much easier once I get back into a routine with it.

On other fronts...a new idea bubbled up this morning. It's really more of an image (from a dream I had last night) than a solid story, but I find it very intriguing. It's another YA, which is a relief in a lot of ways. You know how you sorta worry that you'll end up a "one hit wonder" in a certain genre? Maybe it's just me, but I've often wondered whether I can come up with another story/characters--probably because BTPM has been all consuming. Well, I think I've found a kernel that can be developed into something great. *crosses fingers* Sorry I can't share more at this time, but I will say it's about witches. :)

Oh, and I'm almost finished with WICKED LOVELY by Melissa Marr. I'll do a review in a day or two. I've vowed to get through some of my TBR pile before school begins. It's hard to balance with revisions, but I know it's very beneficial to my writing so I'm trying to set aside some time every day. Not always easy. I swear, I'm going to crawl my way back into the school year. lol. It will not be pretty. But for now, one more week of my summer class...and then two glorious weeks of down time. Can't wait!

WANTED!

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE DOGS??


BAILEY & CHLOE
(Wanted for Conspiracy to commit murder) (Wanted for Murder)

This morning has been absolutely nutty. My uncle recently planted all of these plants around this huge ginko we have in the backyard -- the dogs were chasing squirrels up into the tree and disturbing the mulch, I guess. LOL. Anyway -- the dogs were eating the new plants and laying on them, etc., so he put a chicken wire fence around it -- about 3 feet high. Somehow Chloe got inside the fence this morning and caught a squirrel. (blinks)

I can only assume the little bugger couldn't get away from her because of the fence -- though why it didn't go back up the tree is beyond me. Maybe it was sick and fat or something. lol. She's been trying for 5 years to catch one and now she's finally succeeded. She couldn't have been more pleased with herself.

We only found out about it because Bailey was going crazy with her little high pitched bark -- at 8 in the morning, not the best thing for the neighbors. It took forever to get the dogs inside, during which time I didn't even know what was going on. Chloe had blood all over the top of her nose *smacks hand to forehead*. She as all kinds of happy, though -- running around like she was the toughtest dog on the planet. Littler murderer. LOL.

Anyway, my uncle was horrified because the squirrel was still alive -- didn't know if he should leave it or kill it. Apparently it died not too long after -- thank God. Poor little thing. Both of us were a bit horrified to discover Chloe is actually a dog with animal instincts. (g) There's no living with her now, the little stinker.

This got me to thinking about BTPM -- and well, the nature of werewolves. It led to a good bit of inspiration for WALKING IN SHADOW. Man, I am SO ready to work on a new book. LOL. This revision stuff is for the birds! Even if it is for the greater good. (g)

Anywho, I'm back to work.