What's The What With Me

Long time, no blogging. I know I popped in a few months ago, but for a lot of reasons, I've stayed away. Now, I'm ready to go live again. Hey, two blog posts this year... I'm going for a new record. :)

Where to begin?

I have made many, many changes in my life in the last 3-4 months. It's been a bit of an adjustment, to say the least. But I'm 100% confident that the path I've chosen is the right one. So... some of the highlights:

* After seven years with the same company--one in which I was doing fairly well, moving up in position at a good clip, making a decent salary--I decided to walk away. Yes. I know. On the surface, this was a bit of a crazy move. But the decision to leave was the right one for me. Why, you might ask? Well, the reasons are many--but it really boils down to the fact that I was letting my job, my work, get in the way of what I really wanted to do. That is: Writing. I found I could never go home and just leave my work...at work. I was stressed, I was not altogether happy with my job, and in the end, I had very little energy or presence of mind to put my butt in chair to write. Heck, I don't think I even read more than a book or two the last year I was there. Something needed to change, and after searching my soul for a long, long time, I decided to take the leap and quit. With no real plan in place, btw. :)

* I took a solid 6-7 weeks off. Hey, I had vacation racked up--vacation I never let myself use because of aforementioned reasons (i.e. I lived and breathed for my job). I spent that time unwinding, decompressing, basically -- getting out of the head space I was in. It wasn't a good place to be. I spent time with visiting family, went out to Breckenridge for a couple of weeks -- just took it easy. I did read through my MS but didn't do any substantial writing that I recall. Hey, miracles don't happen overnight. lol I knew quitting my job wouldn't put me into a writing gear straight out of the gate. Boy did I call that one right.

* After my vacation time, I took a job waiting tables. (Did I hear gasps? I know, way to use that law degree of mine, right?) There are reasons behind my madness. 1. Waiting tables is easy for me. I like the interaction with people--I have fun with it. 2. The scheduling is flexible and I can work as little or as much as I want 3. When I go home at night, I don't take my work with me. (Except for those random dreams where I'm in the weeds and can't figure out the computer system, etc. If you've ever been a server, you've probably had these) 4. Due to the flexibility, I can make my own schedule... such as working only nights, for instance, freeing up my days for other...endeavors. 5. Surprisingly, it's VERY good money. I make about the same as what I did before...with less hours, less stress, and the bonus of leaving work, at work. It's not the best job in the world--there are days I want to pull my hair out--but I can't say it's awful. It's not a permanent move, but it's a job I plan on keeping for the immediate future.

* As mentioned above, I have my days free!!! Yay!!! Does this mean I'm writing my ass off during the days? Erm, sometimes. I haven't quite gotten into total writing mode yet. Awful, but true. I've been working through WIS -- a while back I posted something on FB about the number of scenes I have left to write. Some I've completed, others I've struggled with. I would say the book is about 80% complete at this point. I've had to scrap quite a bit of it as I worked through some of the major plot holes I was dealing with. I printed the whole thing out yesterday -- well, most of it anyway -- and it's sitting at about 80K. So it's definitely getting there.

When I'm not writing, I'm doing a LOT of reading. Hey, gotta refill the creativity tanks, right? I'm trying to stay away from church so I don't spend all of my hard earned duckets, but I've been haunting the local library. Reading LIKE CRAZY. I'm really into Anne Perry's William Monk mysteries, finished off the latest from Evanovich (boy does that put me in the mind frame to visit with Maddy, Drew and Gabe!), and trying out a number of different YAs. I've also perused a few writing books to try to... I don't know, get the fires going, I guess.

I also discovered this great app for karaoke. So yep, I've been doing a lot of singing as well. I'm basically reliving my high school days. I read some days, write a little others... when the mood strikes, I sing a few songs. It's lovely. LOL.

Strange as it may seem, I haven't felt like reading the past few days. Feels like my tank is sort of topped off and needs to come out in words. So, I'm leaning more toward writing now. Hence my blogging. Hence my reading through WIS yet again and really trying to put things in place so I have a full story from beginning to end. (Viva la chunkster!) Yes, this means I got out my scissors and paperclips again so I could put everything in the right order. The murky middle isn't looking quite so dang murky anymore... so YAY.

So...that's where I am. A lot of changes. Good news is that I feel happier and better about where I'm at. I'm planning vacations I would've otherwise put off, making decisions for my happiness and not just because it's what I should do. Just generally being mindful to the fact that I don't have to do things a certain way...the expected way. I want to write...so that's what I'm trying to do. One of my new sayings puts it perfectly:

Don't dream your life.
Live your dream.

BOOM.

Hope all is well with everyone! Stop by and say hello if you're around. :)

Memory Lane

So, it feels really strange to be back writing here on the blog. A funny thing happened at the office the other day... and it all led me back here. I didn't expect it, didn't plan for it, and I'm quite frankly, a little overwhelmed by the idea that I'm actually typing out a post right now.

It all began with a team meeting. My team is made up of a bunch of introverts. Getting them to speak about themselves is ridiculously difficult. My boss came up with the idea of doing an icebreaker each meeting, in the hopes that they'll open up a little. Did I mention they're all men? Introverts and male. Now that's a recipe for a silent meeting if I ever heard one. Well, not silent -- my boss and I can fill the void, quite nicely actually.

This last week, the icebreaker topic: Funniest family vacation memory.

For once, I struggled to come up with something to talk about. Then I remembered this wild rafting trip I took where a Texan nearly killed us all. I tried relating this story from memory, and for whatever reason I just wasn't doing it any justice. I got a few tepid reactions, but no one really seemed to find it all that amusing. I finally said, 'Ack! I told it better on my blog." That led me to emailing them the body of said blog post. Nervously, I waited to see if anyone would comment. It was seriously like being back in crit mode--awaiting anxiously to see whether anyone would find it funny -- give it the ole' thumbs up -- snicker at me as I passed by them in the hall. I got nothing that day -- thankfully it all slipped my mind shortly after sending it out or I might have neurotically worried about this lack of reaction for the rest of the day/evening.

The next morning, I received an IM from one of the guys, stating he didn't know I was a published author. That, he said, it made sense, because after reading my story he thought to himself that I should be a writer. Something apparently led him to googling me or something because he stumbled across BTPM on Amazon. He said I really needed to stick with it because I was good--or something to that affect.

Y'all.

I haven't written anything in a very long time. Longer than I care to admit. I know it sounds stupid, but it was seriously like a having a bucket of ice water thrown in my face.

What the heck am I doing that I've allowed writing to just sort of slide off of my list of priorities? Something I love--that I once could never imagine my life without?

I won't lie and say that it hasn't been on my mind. I have a co-worker who harasses me about WIS whenever I see her. I've been like a parrot whenever she asks: "It's coming." "I'm working on it." Well, no, I haven't been working on it. I used to have small bursts of writing here and there, but it's been a long time since I've even had a minor one. I have the best of intentions, of course, but it's always a "soon" or "someday" I'll work on my book thing with me -- never a TO-day thing. I guess I keep waiting for this flash in the sky to signal it as THE day. Well, it hasn't happened. Pretty sure it won't.

So, I came back to my blog and started poking around -- both here and over at ATWOP. Admittedly, I spent the entire day reading through my posts, thinking the entire time, "Who is this girl and where did she go?"

This isn't meant to be a sad post. It is what it is. :) Life happens and there's no real point in mourning or getting angry. It simply is.

Honestly, I read RT from end to beginning (Yes, backwards) -- the entire thing. Well, at least the published posts. I didn't have the energy to go through and read all of the stuff I hid for one reason or another. That's a whole lotta posts. I'm pretty tired and not a little cross-eyed at this point. WOW. It's humbling to see so many years of my life laid out in this fashion. There are so many things going through my mind about:

1. How whiny I was about school/work

2. How I was obviously very sick for a good portion of my time on this blog

3. How I definitely was NOT ready to be published when FI caught agent attention

4. How I love me some disclaimers. OMG. Every book review started with a brief synopsis, which I promptly followed up with a..."Oh dear, I'm so awful at these things" lol I don't know what the heck that was. False modesty or just a simple cry of "Please don't judge me!"

5. How the HECK did I have the energy to do half the things I did? I was writing like a crazy woman, blogging, critiquing, actively participating in writer's exercises, beta-reading, doing book reviews, reading like books might disappear from the planet the next day... AND going to law school. Seriously, y'all. I'm exhausted reading about it all and I LIVED it.

6. Half the stuff I blogged about was progress on this or that WIP, without any real specifics. How did that not drive everyone completely bonkers? Well, to be fair, it might have. But thankfully no one ever said so to my face. :) But man, the number of "breakthroughs" and "epiphanies" boggles the mind. A good majority of them turned out to be total crap in the end, but I suspect you already knew that.

7. That girl had chutzpah. A certain lack of guile. Kind of like a small child playing dress up in her mother's clothes. Oh, she wanted to be able to walk in her big girl heels, and often times she pulled it off. At other times, the performance came off as condescending and asshole-ish. Sometimes she was just an asshole. Hey, I had firm beliefs at time and I wasn't afraid to say them "aloud." Yes, I cringed reading some of my posts. Others I laughed. Some I shook my proverbial fists in the air and loudly proclaimed, "Preach on, Sister!"

I was riveted by what I read. That was me, yo! Parts of it are still me. I'm just a bit out of practice. :) Am I coming back to the blog? Hell, I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. But it was nice to at least pay a little visit. As for the rest...we'll see.

Old Friends

Do you ever buy a new CD from a favorite musical artist only to discover that they've changed their style? Inevitably, your expectations are dashed. True, you may grow to like, maybe even love, the new style -- but it's still not quite what you wanted when you first popped that CD in to play. Well, this weekend I had the pleasant surprise of two artists I absolutely love living up to each and every expectation I had.

Rilo Kiley's new CD RKives (New meaning April -- I'm a little behind. :))

The first single on the CD is called Let Me Back In. I have to tell you, this song just brought a smile to my face. It's got such an old-fashioned sound, but with that certain Rilo Kiley twist that I love. Plus, the feeling behind the song reminds me that no matter where I go or what I may do there's always one special place that will always be "home." This video is good fun, too!



Plumb's CD Need You Now (February -- really behind on this one)

I love her CD Chaotic Resolve because it has a lot of songs with a real rock edge to them. The kind of songs that make you want to hit the dance floor -- and trust me, y'all... I never want to do that. Cage reminds me so much of her sound from Chaotic Resolve and I was sold at first listen to this number. And what about that kickass picture on her cover! LOVE IT!



It's been a very happy music week. :) *satisfied listener*

I also got the newest A Fine Frenzy. I'll be sure to share once I have a listen.

WTF

So has anyone seen the movie Something Borrowed?

Kate Hudson, Ginnifer Goodwin...best friends... sorta? Anyone?

I caught this flick a couple of weeks ago and it's been on my mind ever since. Not for the usual, feel-good, I really loved this movie reasons. It's just that it provoked such opposing emotions for me that I don't know whether or not I actually liked it. And once it was over, all I wanted was to see it again so I could try to puzzle it all out.

Okay, let me break it down.

Ginnifer Goodwin plays Rachel, who is best friends with Darcy (Kate Hudson). Rachel is your typical girl next door. Sweet, giving, a bit of a doormat when it comes to taking the back seat to Darcy. Darcy--the cool, popular, as deep as a puddle, pretty girl. They've known each other forever. And for some reason, despite their obvious differences, and despite the fact that they don't particularly seem to like each other a lot of the time--they're presented as closer than close.

The movie starts with Darcy throwing Rachel a surprise 30th birthday party. She gives this wonderful speech about how Rachel is like a sister...and then proceeds to steal all of Rachel's thunder by gaining and keeping everyone's attention on herself. She's obnoxious, egocentric, and had they not pronounced themselves as best friends, you'd swear they were actually enemies. Frenemies.

As it turns out, Rachel is a bit of a brainiac and went to law school. (Boy did that bring up memories. Especially when all of the flashbacks centered around her Torts class. lol) During her first day of Torts, Rachel meets Dex -- cute, nice, and oh so heroic when he comes to her rescue by lending her a pen. (It was quite dramatic.) They become study partners and when Dex finally asks her out--under the guise of celebrating the end of finals--lo and behold, Darcy sweeps in to interrupt what might've been the beginning of a very sweet romance. Rachel, being the nice door mat that she is, is intimidated by Darcy's level of cool and immediately steps aside, believing she can't compete. Dex, misreading the situation, believes Rachel isn't interested in him after all. His expression is like a puppy dog that's been kicked, HARD, when he thinks Rachel doesn't return his affections, and rejected, he turns his eye to Darcy. Seriously. Anyone with half a brain could see Rachel and Dex were head over heels for one another. But in less than 3 minutes, everything does a complete 180 for them.

Flash forward to Rachel's birthday party -- where we see that Darcy and Dex are now engaged and about to get married. (So wrong.)

One thing leads to another and Dex and Rachel find themselves out that night together for a drink. And ta-da! Rachel reveals that she once had a crush on him...and again, here comes the weepy puppy dog expression. Could she have really liked him?? How could he have wasted 6 years with Darcy when he could've been with Rachel the entire time??

Wait for it.

They sleep together that night, thus embarking on one of the most effed up romances I've ever seen.

Why? Because despite having sex with another woman, Dex continues his sham engagement to Darcy. WORSE! The trio end up renting a summer house together with a group of friends and Dex and Darcy get it on--porn-style--so that the entire household can overhear them. And despite this, Rachel and Dex keep seeing each other.

OMG.

There are a lot of other horrible things that happen, but the end result is that I found myself rooting for Rachel and Dex to get together. Even though I thought they were both sort of gross --no, fully gross -- for their behavior. Even though Dex drove me crazy for his inability to just walk away from Darcy and go for the girl he really wanted. Even though Rachel had absolutely no backbone or self-esteem to believe herself worthy of something better. I.Still.Wanted.Them.To.Get.Together.

I wanted them to get together. *hand meet forehead*

This, y'all. This is the puzzle I've been trying to figure out since watching it. Why in the world did I root for these arseholes?

As despicable as Rachel and Dex behaved, I have to admit that I thought Darcy was much, much worse. Maybe I rooted for the former two because Darcy was so self-absorbed that she either didn't notice or just didn't care that she basically stole Dex away from Rachel in the first place. Maybe it was because of some of the other awful things she did during this movie (I don't want to spoil it too much). Was it because Darcy represents all of the things we love to hate about some girls--pretty, not all that bright, but able to get whatever guy's attention she sets her sights on? The mean girl who can be nice to you when she needs something, and turn around the next second to completely cut you down? Darcy is the MASTER of backhanded insults. Did I root for Rachel because she's "nice" and well, played by Ginnifer Goodwin who I think is ADORABLE?

In the end, I fear I rooted for Rachel and Dex because, of all the arseholes in this movie, Darcy was the biggest one. I think I was able to forgive them because the movie makers made Darcy's actions sooooooo much more unforgiveable. She out arse-holed them. Simple as that.

Does this relate to writing? Of course it does. :) I'm just not sure how to use it quite yet. lol

If you've seen this movie, I'd love to hear what you thought. Maybe it was me. *shrug* (g)

Honestly, the cutest part of the movie. Darcy and Rachel reenact their childhood dance performance to Salt N' Pepa's Pushit.

Exploring New Ideas

I have really vivid dreams sometimes. I mean, crystal clear, hard to forget dreams that stick with me. When I was younger, I used to have a recurring nightmare about this demonic little girl in this rundown house. I probably had this dream a dozen or more times, and I would actually say to my dream self, "Oh no, not again." Seriously. SCARY stuff. The worst part is that it would be the same each and every time. And even though I'd experienced it on such a consistent loop, it still scared me senseless. To the point I wouldn't want to go back to sleep out of fear of dropping back into it. And yes, that happened on occasion.

Thankfully, I haven't had that dream in a long time. Let's hope I haven't stirred it up by talking about it here. (g) I can still remember bits and pieces of it, but thank gawd, it's fading around the edges. I would gladly give up the few brain cells that are still clinging to its memory in order to have it gone for good. JUst sayin'.

Don't even get me started on my dreams about sharks. Holy moley. I mean, really??

You could say my imagination has always been overly active. I suspect this has a great deal to do with the fact my mother introduced me to horror films at a VERY young age. Five, to be exact. And yes, this will age me -- but my mother took my sister and me to see the original Halloween. Y'all, I think we lasted until the girl bit it in the garage. We screamed non-stop and she was forced to take us out of the theatre. Let's hear it for the good parenting decisions made by young mothers. LOL. At any rate, and probably completely unbeknownst to my mother at the time--she kicked off what would be a life-long love/hate relationship between me and horror movies. I love to be scared. I hate to be scared. And dang it, I can't lay off.

Where was I going with this?

Yes. Dreams.

As a writer, my dreams have started becoming quite useful for generating story ideas. Oh, I have enough waking ideas to deal with, and as with most people, my dreams can be somewhat scattered and completely random. But there are the occasional dreams (little girl in the house, anyone?) that really tell a story that my waking mind can't let go of. I recently had one such dream -- well, actually, it was quite a few months ago. But no matter how much time passes, I can't seem to let it go. It sparked an idea and I'm dying...DYING... to play around with it. A real pickle when I have an overdue book I need to write. (MEH!)

I see the characters, I see the story, I feel the tension and emotions involved. I want to write this book!

But yes, it will have to remain on the back burner for now. Thankfully, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

That said, I stumbled back to CompuServe Writers Forum this month--after a very prolonged absence--and writers exercises was hosting a 5 week, 5 act story exercise -- with each act limited to 100 words. It was too tempting to pass up. I had to join in. These probably aren't the prettiest words I've ever written--some spots are just downright MEH to me now--but it was a great opportunity to explore this new idea and see what I could come up with. Oh, and did I mention that each week we had five random words chosen for us that we had to incorporate?? Yeah, tough one. And you really had to think about each word to make it beneath the word count. I'm happy to say, I ended up with exactly 498 words in the end. SHAZAAM!

So, I thought I'd share it with y'all -- if there's actually anyone out there reading, that is. LOL. This idea doesn't even have so much as a working title -- it's that fresh. And despite the point of the exercise, I'm not sure I wrote a complete story. It's more of a thread of a thread, that yes, ends on a bit of a cliffhanger. Hey, did you expect anything less from me? (g)

~
Week One: Intro of setting and characters and inciting incident.
incite, endless, drive, pact, over

Week Two: Act I - Rising action, development of conflict
astray, blood, toast, cursed, boardinghouse

Week Three: Act III - Twists and reversals
grain, obey, approach, backward, eyetooth

Week Four: Act IV - Climax and resolution
bizarre, forgotten, abomination, feast, black

Week Five: – Denouement
Inner, pinch, belong, treasure, dove
~

The barren landscape stretched before Charlie’s eyes, endless and unforgiving. She wanted this to be over, to lay her weary body down on the hard ground and lose herself in a dream. Only in sleep’s embrace could she go back to the way things were before. She staggered, almost giving in. But no, it was unforgivable to lose herself to this fantasy. Her father was gone. She must press on. Drive harder. Spencer’s actions had incited the wraiths into attacking. By God, if she had to make a pact with the devil himself, she would make him pay.

~

Several days passed before Charlie stumbled upon Spencer’s trail. Exhausted, she shuffled toward a cluster of abandoned buildings, convinced she was being led astray by delirium. Thankfully they were real. She pushed through the rotted door of what appeared to be an old boardinghouse. Its rooms were numerous, but she dropped her pack on the main floor, too tired to explore. It was there she spied the remains of a fire. She plunged her fingers into the ash and cursed. It was cold. Had Spencer toasted his toes here? She smiled. At last, she’d caught the scent of his blood.

~

The uneven grain of the wood floor made sleep nearly impossible. She’d have given her eyetooth for a real bed. When sleep at last found her, it was an uneasy and dreamless sleep, her mind unable to give her even a brief reprieve from this waking nightmare. On alert, she jerked upright, not knowing what had awoken her until it was too late. Spencer. She hadn’t heard him approach and cursed her own body for its weakness. Spencer looked as beat up as she felt. Gun in hand, he motioned for her to move backward, against the wall. She obeyed.

~

Growth covered the planes of Spencer’s face, his eyes black in the pale moonlight seeping through the window. For some bizarre reason, Charlie wanted to see his eyes—eyes blue as the sky she’d longed for her entire life. She shook herself. These feelings were an abomination to her father’s memory. Ones best forgotten. Calculating her chances of disarming the boy, Charlie was surprised when Spencer unceremoniously flipped the gun and pressed its grip into her palm. Her fingers curled around the gun. At last she could feast upon her anger and have her vengeance.

“Charlie,” he said.

She faltered.

~

One beat, two. The thud of metal meeting wood.

Her fingers dove into his hair, fisting around the thick strands to pull him close. Just one taste, her inner voice argued. One small moment to treasure during the dark nights to come.

Cursing herself, Charlie snaked a belt around his neck, pinching off his ragged breaths with one hard jerk. She made quiet shushing noises against his temple until at last he succumbed, crumpling to the ground, unconscious.

Tears wet her eyes. The decision of whether he lived or died no longer belonged to her.

“Please, God. Help us both.”

~The End~

It's not great, but it's something to use once I'm able to focus on this story. Until then, it will continue to simmer in the back of my mind. :)


OH...and yes, my horror movie fest continues. Of course, it does! How else am I going to take in enough fodder to have some freakishly scary dreams?!

Tonight's feature: 30 Days of Night

I'll be honest -- I've only seen it once, and I don't really remember much about it. Not even whether or not I enjoyed it. But I'm willing to give it another shot. It has Josh Hartnett in it, and he's a cutie patootie.

Check out this little freak-a-doodle. Vampire children are scary.

Tonight's Feature

I had an extremely long day. I'm not feeling well. At all. That said, the horrorfest continues. Mostly because I can't find the energy to do much else. Vegging in front of the TV is doable at the moment, and I highly doubt I'll last long doing even such a non-energy requiring activity. Most likely I'll be conked out in the next ten minutes. :)

Tonight's choice: Wrong Turn

COME ON, people. This movie is actually pretty dang entertaining. The backwoods inbred freaks in this movie are SCARY. I mean, look at this guy!!

Plus it stars Eliza Dushku of Buffy fame. Hot girls, hot guys... inbred freaks... What's not to love?

It's October!

Well, not quite yet. But in an hour it will be October--definitely my favorite month of the year. I plan on drinking many a' pint of Octoberfest, don my favorite sweaters and jackets, put together a kick-butt Halloween costume, and just otherwise enjoy the changing of the seasons and cooler weather. I. Can. Not. Wait.

Football, changing of the leaves, hot chocolate and cider... Yeah... Annnnnd. Horror Movies!! lol

I love 'em. I plan on watching many, many horror movies and ghost stories over the next month. Not only are they great fun, but I'm often inspired to write something creepy and spooky. It will be interesting to see what happens.

I'm starting the month off tonight with Halloween H20. Okay, I know.. it's a little cheesy. BUT.. I love seeing Jamie Lee Curtis reprise her role and it's actually pretty decent if you Just. Go. With. It.

Run, Laurie, Run!!

I'm actually not sure what my favorite scary movie is... I'll have to think on that one. And with that, I'm off to watch a little Michael Myers magic. Night!

Alive

I've been horrible--simply horrible--at blogging over the past few months. Life has been keeping me very busy, and when given the opportunity to write, I've been choosing to work on the ole' WIP instead. And trust me, the time I've had for writing--or rather, made for writing--has been limited to begin with. :) I am making good progess, however. I still can't say for sure when WALKING IN SHADOW will be completed, but I'm trudging towards the end.

It's been a hard book to write, mostly because it's darker than BTPM and I'm walking a fine line of going too far/not going far enough. But word by word, it's being written and shined up for public viewing. I CANNOT wait for this baby to go out into the world. SO excited.

Book aside, one of my goals is to do more blogging. I do miss it a great deal. My little vents, my book reviews, etc. Most of all, I miss having a solid connection with other writers. I literally have been the hermit in her dark cave for the past year or so. It's time for me to come out of hiding. :) So, I'm challenging myself to blog 5 days out of 7 through the rest of May. Ha. If you follow me (hello? hello? Is anyone still out there??), you'll know that this is a HUGE goal, and you probably have serious doubts I can keep it. I promise to give it my all. (G) Can't guarantee my posts will always be coherent, but hey... how's that different than when I began this little sideshow? lol

So yeah... there it is. In writing. Hold me to it! :)

My Current Mood

Plumb -- Better

My New Musical Crush

Holy bejeeps! I wish I had a voice like that. :)



Check her out... PLUMB. She's awesome.

I'm Not Ready For Christmas!

Where did the time go? Seriously, where did it go? It seems like just yesterday it was Thanksgiving and now I'm staring down Christmas in just a few short days. I am SO not ready for it this year. In the worst kind of way.

1. I have a ton of shopping to do. I went out the other day for like three hours and only managed to get one gift for my family exchange here in town. ACK. I have to buy for my entire immediate family, not to mention not one, but TWO dirty Santa gifts for my extended family gift exchange. (I buy for my grandpa, too.) Jen+shopping do not a happy girl make.

2. I have a ton of cooking to do. THANK GOD I'm not responsible for anything major. But I do have to make my grandpa a double batch of what we call matza balls -- those yummy rice crispies/peanut butter/chocolate balls that are SO DANG good. They take FOREVER, but there's no getting out of the them. He's expecting them. (g) I also have to make an appetizer and dessert for my family party... and luckily, I've got the company party dish in the oven as I'm typing this.

3. I haven't watched enough Christmas movies... Nor have I listened to enough Christmas music!! BAH!! I feel like I'm skimping on both this year and it makes me very much unhappy.

4. Christmas means a new year is coming. YIKES. I look back at 2010 and realize I haven't accomplished anything I set out to do. LOL. NOT GOOD...but perhaps a new year isn't such a bad thing... hmmm.

Anyway -- I must squeeze in a few more movies. I've been on the hunt for It's a Wonderful Life and everywhere I go is sold out. Really want to add that one to my collection this year, but it doesn't seem it's going to happen.

Ohh...and the Kindle arrives tomorrow. Not that I'm opening it. Nope.. not gonna. :D

Jen Comes Into This Century

Hey All!

*waves*

Well, I know I've been quiet. Busybusybusy. Nano turned out to be a really great experience, but I didn't even come close to that 50K. Oh well. I did my best and still produced about 16000 words for WALKING IN SHADOW. It gave me some great direction on just where I think the book will go, and for that I'm very pleased. It was great getting back in the trenches and digging for those words. They hurt, yes, but there's nothing like coming out the other end with some actual pages to show for all that frustration. Some of them are even good. :)

A couple of very big things on my horizon:

1. I've officially started to move all of my FAKING IT files into Scrivener. Yes, that means it is officially back on the front burner. YAY. It's proving a little difficult because my filing system is a complete mess, but along the way I'm looking at bits here and there, thinking about things I might like to change, etc. I feel like this is a really good thing--using Scrivener. It isn't so much that I want to use it for its plotting capabilities, etc... it's that it will help keep me organized. (I hope) Having all of my scenes, etc in one centralized place where I won't get various versions confused (again, I hope) will be one huge step in the right direction.

2. My sister has sent me a Kindle for Christmas. It's winging its way toward me as we speak; should be here on Tuesday. I have to admit I was a bit hesitant about the idea at first, but then I thought...OMG, I'll be able to download like a bazillion free classics that I want to reread or have never read, and dude...they're FREE. lol. I actually went on Amazon today, picking through the titles to see what I might want to peruse first. Dude. DUDE. There's a book called THE BOOK OF WERE-WOLVES. (Has anyone read it??) It's supposed to have some really interesting stories about various werewolf myths and what not. I am SO getting it. I can't believe I didn't know about it before, actually. But yeah, I want, I want, I want!!

Another great thing is that I'll be able to do beta reads, or readthroughs of my own MS's with it. OMG. I can't wait. My sister said I couldn't open it until Christmas day. Cough. Yeah, I won't. *big wink*

This year has been a HUGE year for me on the techy front. Last May I got a Droid, which introduced me to the exciting world of texting. I used to say I would NEVER be a texter... uh yeah, I was wrong. Granted, I still think it's _extremely_ rude...as in the _UMPTEENTH_ degree kind of rude, to be whip out your phone and text while in the middle of a conversation with someone (or dinner, or in a movie theatre), so I try to never do that. SO RUDE, YO. Also, what's up with the texting while driving?? Dangerous, people! At least wait for a light. LOLOL.

So yeah, I'm all kinds of tech.

I'm really hoping to keep up with this blog a lot better than I have. I know I keep saying that and disappearing for months at a time, but I DO have the best of intentions. :) I miss all of my long lost peeps!! If you see this, drop in and let me know how you're doing, okay?

Jen

Good Morning, All!

Yes, it is me. I know most of you are probably rubbing your eyes and gawking at the screen in disbelief... but yes, I am back. Hopefully for quite some time, and on a regular basis.

Life... well, yeah, it's been busy. I've barely had time to check email, let alone keep caught up with all of the things I would like to on the net. And writing? Well, it's been on the back burner in a major way.

That said, I have officially taken an entire _two weeks_ vacation and have but one plan for that time... WRITE WRITE WRITE.

As part of that goal, I will also be blogging -- EVERY DAY. I'm doing this for several reasons.
1. I really do want to reconnect with all of my wonderful 'net buddies.
2. It's a way to keep myself accountable. If I know I have to check in every day and report my progress, you can bet your patootie I will have SOMETHING to say for it. There's nothing worse than reporting ZERO progress--trust me, I know.
3. It's a way for y'all to give me a swift kick in the arse if you see I'm lazing around and not doing anything. And trust me, after nearly a year without a vacation (aside from my jaunt out to Colorado last weekend), I WANT...NEED...CRAVE... ack, I'm tired... Yes, I want rest. Major rest. I'm sure I'll get plenty of that in the next... count 'em...SIXTEEN DAYS... but that's a lot of time, and I can get plenty of work done, too. Right? Right. So don't be afraid to throw me a WTF or two if I keep coming back with nothing to show for my time off.
4. I've been quiet for far too long, dontcha think? I have things to say... gripes to lodge, thoughts to share. Blogging is one of my favorite things to do... why have I stayed away so long??
5. It's just FUN. :)

So yeah... even though it was my first day of vacation, I awoke VERY early -- 530 -- and started my day of prep. Yeah, unfortunately that comes with it, too. My fridge and cupboards are a disgrace--full of outdated food that had to be tossed, and just generally bare of all essential eatable items. My first plan of action was to get that in order, and soon I'll be heading out to the store to stock up again. I want to make life as easy and orderly as possible so I don't get the urge to slack off here.

My apartment, sadly... also needs attention, but I'm not going to go overboard just yet. LOL. I MUST WRITE, too. And that's on the agenda right after the grocery store. Quite honestly, I'm not really sure where to begin... it's all a bit overwhelming to think about, but screw it... I'm going to jump in feet first and see where I land. My best option will probably be to take a small scene and see what happens. I have a couple of big scenes that have been in the back of my mind for a very long time, so perhaps I'll just pick one up and see... just see.

Okay... Deep Breath!

Hope everyone is doing well -- I'm good, I'm alive, and I'm ready to bang out this flippin' book!

Jen

I've Turned...

...a year older since the last time I posted. How the heck did that happen??

Anyway -- just a quick wave. Things ARE slowing down for me...but just when they do, wouldn't you know it, I'm sick AGAIN. Blurgh. It's a miserable, disgusting kinda sick, too. I'm not fit for human consumption.

Too tired to do anything but wallow in my own moroseness.

Hopefully I'll be better soon because I really miss chattin' with y'all.

Hey All!

My apologies and all that. I know I've been super quiet. The truth is that life has just about steam-rolled me for the past couple of months. I'm seeing a pinprick of a light at the end of the tunnel (i.e. someday I hope to take some vacation! lol. I know I will be this summer, and boy am I looking forward to it!), but alas things are busier than ever and it won't be letting up for a while.

I hope everyone is doing well..I wish I had something concrete to blog about today, but I really don't. My big plan for the night is sleep. (g) That said, I'm reading when I can...trying to write...and doing a whole lotta thinkin' about writing in general. And what my next step is. I can't say I have a concrete plan at this point, but I'm thinkin' on it...and I hope you'll send some seriously positive energy my way as I struggle through this rough patch. If only I had another 10 hours in every day, yanno? That said, I'm considering a little vaca...one during which I'll plan to do nothing but write. And I mean nothing. :) It's just a matter of figuring out when...and how to spring it on the boss people. Oh, they'll just love this. (not.) But, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And trust me, I'm ready for something drastic. :)

What about you guys? Is anyone out there still listening? :)

I Am Alive.

Yes, yes I am. Tho very busy. More soon. :)

Isn't It Kinda Sad...

When the only way you can force yourself to take a day off is by getting sick? Yup. SICK as a dog right now. Plus, I got the added bonus of completely losing my voice. LOL. Those of you who know me in person know I'm a TALKER... not being able to speak to people is a punishment of the worst kind. Couldn't even CALL anyone to tell them not to expect to see me today. Thank God for email!

Anyway -- I'm going to take full advantage. I'm about half-way through SILENT IN THE GRAVE and plan to finish that up... and did I mention that my awesome friend, Amanda (who I met at the Rocky Mtn Gold Conference and who LET me read her most awesome book!), sent me GRACELING by Kristin Cashore?? It's totally awesome, too. I'm a ways into it so hopefully I can finish both up today.

Ahhhhh reading. Such a balm to these ick sick germs.

Dishes? They can't wait. Laundry? There's still room to stack the pile a little higher. Work? NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.

Happy reading.

Sorry For The...

...radio silence!

My internet has been on the blink and getting to a coffee house, etc has been a bit tough with my schedule this past week. Needless to say, the technician is coming tomorrow. I should be back on the air by mid-morning. YIPPEE!! :)

I really don't have all that much to blog about...been working a ton and really just trying to keep my chin above water. Been a tough time, mostly because I've been fighting tooth and nail with a cold that is trying to latch on. I'm not letting it, though. I have no time to be sick. lol *glares at all sick germs*

I do have a book review to do, so hopefully I'll get to that soon. Other than that, I'm trying to get myself into a serious writing routine. It's tough, not gonna lie. But I must, I must... :)

Hope y'all are doing well! Catch ya on the morrow.

Let It Snow...

...NO MORE.

I'm tired of shoveling grass. (g)

Seriously, tho...most lifetime residents are saying they haven't seen this much snow since they were kids. This winter is a DOOZY.

The forecast? No new snow that I know of (YET)...but BITTER cold. Y'all it is two degrees at the moment according to Yahoo. The windchill factor is supposed to feel like -25...possibly -50. Tell me how much I don't want to go outside right now. Tell me how much my car does NOT want to start in that. LOL.

Gah, I wanna go back to bed. I wanna hide under the blankets until spring.

A Year In Review

Well, we're callin' it quits on 2009. It's been quite a year for me. A lot of good stuff happened, but also a lot of bad. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, I always take a few moments to look back at the previous year and also, look forward, to what's up next. Please humor me while a wax on for a while.

First, it's been a tough year on the writing front. Lots of reasons involved, which I'll touch on in a bit, but the end result is that I still haven't finished revisions of FI. It's frustrating at the best of times, humiliating at the worst. Especially because I keep making these promises to myself that I won't let another month, day, hour go by without doing everything I can to get to The End. The story is there--the end is in sight--but for whatever reason it feels just outside my grasp. Never thought I would be grappling with this problem, so I find myself at a bit of a loss to explain exactly what's going on.

I know I've had a lot of Real Life distractions, but regardless, I hold myself accountable for not pushing through and just...finishing, the rest be damned. Yanno?

That said, I'm making progress...slowly. The reality is that there have been some legitimate limits to my time --and in all honesty, writing took the backseat to other things this year. And while I'm unhappy with this compromise, I really had to make the tough decision to focus on things that were more important. Yes, even more important than writing. This does not make me happy. :)

It's a long story, but let me summarize briefly. I started having an issue with my foot in the latter part of 2008. I thought it was related to a stress fracture I'd had a few years earlier. It wasn't. When I went to the doctor thinking that at worst I'd have to get orthotics, I was surprised to learn I was diabetic. Guess all my late night, Mt. Dew fueled study/writing sessions were a bad idea. Especially with my genes. (g)

That said, I'll be forever grateful to my doctor for making the leap and figuring out what was wrong with me. It's been a bumpy road, but in the end, one of the best things that's happened to me. Why? Because I no longer feel like shit all the time. There's no telling how long I went undiagnosed, but I had always blamed my exhaustion and overall level of ick on stress and work...and well, law school, and writing, and revisions, and blah blah blah blah. Little did I know that I was exhausted because my blood sugars were hitting the proverbial roof...and then some.

Adjusting to life with diabetes is a struggle. I say this in present tense because I'm still adapting. There's a great deal of discomfort involved when you adjust to lower blood sugars -- the descent was, let's just say...HELLISH. LOL. Headaches, nausea, dizziness....it's all just horrible. Of course, as soon as I started hitting good levels, my body just kept on going. I started experiencing extreme lows. At the moment, my doctor is reworking my medications yet again. This is the third time this year. Each time is a period of extremes, when my body doesn't know what the heck to do. I basically have to start over and experiment to see what carbs I can eat, when, how much exercise I can do without feeling faint. Etc. Etc. Unfortunately, this is probably my life from here on out. It isn't going away. I'm okay...mostly. I have a few "why me" moments -- especially in groups when everyone else can chug endless amounts of Dew and gobble down an entire pizza if they choose, and I, well, can't. Sigh. But mostly, I'm okay. Who needs mountains of cheesy pizza anyway?? Sob. (g)

The other issue I've been grappling with is my foot. Yeah. It wasn't magically cured when I began treatment. I'll cut to the chase -- my blood sugars were too high for too long. I have nerve damage in my foot--neuropathy. What does that mean? Well, I have loss of sensation...in my toes mostly. My right foot has pretty much gone back to normal. There's a slight sensation loss, but nothing major. My left--the injured one that started this whole thing--isn't good. Because of the neuropathy, that foot is slow to heal. I suspect that my foot injury (I have something called plantar fasciitis) has exacerbated the problem.

End game is that last April, everything hit at once. On top of the adjustments to my blood sugars (remember--hellish), I was running about going to a gazillion doctors appointments. I had to juggle diabetic training, physical therapy sessions, podiatrist and doctors appts (including the dreaded neurologist who finally said, YES...you have neuropathy)...new meds...low sugars... oh, and a big move to a new apartment. Not an easy patch. Writing just wasn't an option. Nor was it an option when my meds were adjusted again that summer...

Not that I've ever let myself off the hook, mind. This, of course, didn't help the situation one bit.

I don't do well under guilt. It immobilizes me. Instead of doing a little when I could, I fixated on all the time I wasn't able to focus on writing. The time I had to spend in classes...or with the doctors...or the times I wanted to be writing but had to go out for a walk to get my sugar levels back in range.

So yeah...the end is still the same: I haven't finished my book. I blame myself even though I know there's been just cause. Even though I told myself that above all other things, I would focus on my health. In fact, I remember sitting down with family after being diagnosed and saying that my COMPLETE focus would be on my health -- book aside..awaiting agent aside... ME first. Ironic that I would consider 2009 an overall failure when I did exactly what I set out to do.

1. I'm healthier.
2. I've successfully reached and maintained an excellent blood sugar level -- to the point we're now experimenting with LESS medication.
3. While the neuropathy in my foot hasn't really improved, it hasn't gotten any worse either.

So yes...I'll try to focus on the positive for now.

Are you ready for some good stuff? Me too. :)

Some positives for the year:

1. I went to two writing retreats this year and got to meet some truly wonderful writers that I've been conversing with at compuserve for quite some time.

The first was back in March--to Myrtle Beach, SC. It was AWESOME. Jo, Beth, Carrie, Tara, Julie, Donna, and Jenny--y'all are rock stars. I had so much fun...Long live gnomies! :)

The second was to Denver and Evergreen, Colorado. Beth, Tara, Julie, Donna, and Jenny...so fun to spend more time with you. And SO cool to meet Lisa, Dreamer, Kari, Dyann, Julie B, Kari, Kerri, Tricia, Stephanie, and rowdy-girl Rhonddalyn!! Did I leave anyone out?? LOL. Those were a crazy few days, but it was a MUCH needed vacation and I had a total blast.

2. I attended my first writers conference. It was quite the experience. I learned a lot that weekend -- received some great feedback from one seriously stellar agent. (Thank you, Kristin Nelson!) While this year hasn't been the most productive when it comes to *cough* finishing those damn revisions...this conference renewed what fragile belief I had in my writing abilities. It made me realize that while I haven't reached my publication goals yet, I've got something goin' on. And someday...I'll get there. This little light o' mine is gonna shine. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this year even...but soon.

3. I started a new blog with Rachel Walsh, Claire Gregory, and Kristen Callihan. All The World's Our Page is going strong and I feel blessed to be blogging alongside such three talented ladies. They're damn good people. When I'm not gaping at the fact that they let me come along for the ride, I'm laughing my ass off at our crazy antics. Seriously, our email chains are something else. LOL.

4. I have wonderful friends and family. I've been a bit absent this year, but please know all of you have been in my thoughts.

This year has been a rough one. I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't. But I have a lot to be grateful for. And though I don't want to get all carried away with "resolutions and goals," I know 2010 is going to be fantastic.

I'm ready to make some good things happen. :)