So, I've had a hard time picking myself up after this past week and the loss of my grandma. I know I'm not the first person to lose a loved one, but I must admit it feels that way sometimes. Part of it is that no one close to me has ever passed before, and part of it is that this was my grandma. My only grandma. Long story, but she was it. As my grandpa is my only grandpa. It's hard to let go and I find myself tearing up at random moments.
Writing hasn't even been a possibility for the past week, and I'll admit it's more about being too sad to muster the energy. My characters have been knocking, but I've been too tired and emotionally drained to answer right now. I've been reading a lot -- watching movies. I happened to have August Rush waiting for me when I got home, and it has this really great scene where someone (no spoilers!) is telling August to never give up on his music. Because that's the one place he can escape to and let go of all the bad things in the world. It really hit a nerve with me, and I've given it a lot of thought. August had his music, and I have my writing. I shouldn't feel guilty for writing, for wanting to get back to my story so soon. It's the place I feel safe, where I'm happiest, where I can go to heal.
So, today I pulled up a blank page and just wrote. About my grandma. It was hard, I cried, but yanno, I feel better.
Am I cured? Heck no. But it's a step. Perhaps I can even work a little on FI soon.
11 comments:
I know the feeling. My grandmother passed away earlier this year, and it happened at a time when I felt my writing finally picking up. I've kept writing little things, but i haven't yet started on the novel project I'd outlined before her death.
Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.
So sorry for your loss. I was very close to my grandpa who passed away when I was in middle school. He was the first and only close loved one I've lost (thankfully) and it was hard.
You'll find your way. *hugs*
Condolences Jen. :( I lost my grandfather earlier this year to the same effect. It's good that you're channeling your feelings into writing.
Oh, I'm sorry, Jen. It's hard to lose someone you love, and it's hard to lose someone who loved you. It sounds like she was all sorts of incredible, and I know she left you with love and learning to take with you on your journey.
I lost my grandmother at 21. One of the last times I visited her at her home, she insisted on rocking me in her chair and singing to me (something she always did with us when we were small.) I let her - even though I felt awkward and sad about it, I wanted that last rock in the chair. Remembering it still makes me cry. *sniff/embarassed smile*
I'm glad you're writing again. Writer's Digest, a few years ago, did a piece on writing through your grief - I cannot find it online, but have it a la shelf at home. I can't remember exactly what it said, but can send it along if you like.
*hug*
Thanks, Julie. Maybe we can push each other to get crackin'. (s)
Thanks, Jenny!
Kat,
Oh, so sorry! It's hard, but I have to push myself one of these days--maybe need to get back on my 1k a day thing. (g)
Jen
Cindy,
Oh man -- what a lovely/sad memory! But I'm glad you have it!
And thank you so much... yes, it's tough and new and overwhelming. But yeah, I have great memories and one surly grandpa to look after now. (g) No easy task. LOL.
And thanks for the offer. I'd love to see that article if you have it.
Jen
Hi Jen -
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Good luck with continuing on with your writing :-)
My belated condolences, Jen.
Thanks Sheila and Precie! I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things, but it's been a struggle. Hope all is well with you as well!
Jen
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